THE PURPOSE IN THE PAUSE

Picture this:

One of your friends has blown you off for the fifth time this year.  You have been the one initiating the plans, you send reminders, you make the reservations, you even offer to drive and yet, the day creeps closer and you just have that gut feeling, you’re going to be ditched, again.

How do you handle this?

I can honestly tell you my first go to has always been to guilt trip the person.  I’ve spent a lot of my life spending time letting people know they did something wrong and making sure it is reiterated numerous times so they don’t forget.

But, what if before reacting, we take a pause.

Let’s step back and ask ourselves why this person keeps cancelling. 

Assumptions are our enemy so, the best way to figure out what’s going on is to just ask.  Maybe they are having a hard time with something that you are unaware of.  Maybe, they are just so busy and they think they’ll have time for you, life just gets away from them.  Perhaps they are feeling depressed and just don’t feel like socializing.

What I’m saying is, most likely, it has nothing really to do with you.  It’s not a punishment.  It’s not a declaration of the end of a friendship.  It’s not personal.

So, by pausing, we are allowing ourselves to step away from our emotions and try to find the actual reason behind all of the cancellations. 

Once you get to the root of the problem you can decide how to respond.

Make sure to let the person know how you are feeling about the situation as well, in a calm, compassionate way.  Because although they may be having a hard time with something, your feelings are still very valid.

Life is all about how we approach and react to people and situations.

The pause will prove helpful in so many situations, especially when your first impulse is to react. 

Pause, breathe and DON’T ASSUME.

Utilizing the pause strategy every day will make room for your big emotions, and put a little bit of space between you, and something you may regret.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes in the comments section below!