We all fall into patterns, mental habits that feel automatic, even when they no longer serve us. But what happens when we finally decide to take back control?
The Day My Narrative Changed: Rewriting a Life Built on Fear
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I spent most of my life stuck in survival mode, living quietly in the shadows of my fear. I worried constantly, stressed over things I couldn’t control, and let anxiety steal opportunities from me. New experiences didn’t excite me. Instead, they triggered a tight, twisting ball in my stomach, made up of everything that could go wrong. I’d feel nauseous, convinced that if something could go wrong, it would. I missed out on so much, not because I wasn’t capable, but because I let my fear control my decision making.
Eventually, something clicked. Well, full transparency, I fell apart before the click happened. But when it did, it was like my mind finally gave me a choice: continue down this draining path, or start rewriting my story to something I’d actually like to tell.
The truth is, none of us know what’s going to happen, no matter how carefully we plan or worry. I did a lot of research on the topic, which helped me feel grounded in this journey of letting go and discovering what I truly wanted for myself. We’ve all heard the age old saying, “you get what you give” but in reflecting on the past, and testing this theory in the present, I have learned that it is absolutely true. So, rather than attracting negative outcomes by living a life based on fear, I began to focus on the positive, and I’ve never been so happy with a decision in my life.
Rewiring the Mindset
Once I made that decision, I began to take back control, particularly when it came to new situations. I started to catch myself reacting through old, fearful thought processes, and shifted my mindset to positive, more open perspectives.
Our brains are shaped by repetition and experience, a concept known as neuroplasticity. According to neuroscience research, when we consistently challenge negative thought patterns and replace them with healthier ones, our brains begin to rewire. New pathways form, and over time, optimism and calm become more instinctual.
When I began to apply this concept, guess what? That giant ball of stress that would twist and turn within me began to shrink as well.
While it’s easier to apply these new habits to unfamiliar situations, there’s a much harder obstacle we all must eventually face…
The Challenge of Familiar Triggers
The real test comes when facing the same old people, situations, or emotional landmines. These are often tied to our deepest, most rehearsed responses—the ones that feel like second nature. And that’s because, for years (maybe decades), they were.
We function on autopilot more than we realize. Studies show that up to 95% of our thoughts and behaviors are habitual, driven by subconscious programming. So unlearning those responses doesn’t just take awareness; it takes time, effort, and a whole lot of grace.
Personally, I find myself asking for grace a lot. Especially from my husband, who is, honestly, one of the most patient and understanding people I know. As much as I’ve grown, he often still gets the “old me” first: the reactive version, the one running on outdated fears. Only afterward does the more mindful me step in with reflection and an apology.
For example: I am the finance person in the relationship, while he barely looks at our account. I spend when I think we can spend and I cut back when I think we need to be more frugal. And sometimes I throw everything out the window and do whatever I want. But my husband? I try to control every, single penny he spends, and I’m often not kind about it. The reasoning is based on previous experience, but at the end of the day, I can give up some control and let him spend money like a normal adult, rather than treating him like a child with a strict allowance—I’m working on it.
It’s so easy to just…react.
That’s why I’ve made it a point to pause, especially in the heat of the moment. Whether it’s an old argument or a familiar insecurity, I’ve learned to pause, breathe, and ask: Is this reaction who I want to be?
The Hard Things are Often the Most Worthy
Unlearning decades of automatic responses doesn’t happen overnight. And it doesn’t happen perfectly. But here’s what I can say from experience: it’s worth it.
This is hard, humbling work. But every time you pause, choose a new reaction, and give yourself (and others) grace in the process, you’re actively reprogramming your brain. You’re breaking cycles. And you’re building a future where you’re no longer run by your past and the barrier of fear doesn’t seem so final.
What Can You Change?
Think about a person or situation that consistently leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or stuck. Is there a new way to approach it? Can you challenge your usual narrative, even slightly?
And if it’s something, or someone, that simply cannot be changed, ask yourself this: What boundary can I set to protect my peace? Sometimes, walking away or stepping back is the healthiest choice. It may not be easy, but often, it’s the most freeing one. In doing so, you reclaim your power and redirect your energy toward the new life you’re actively building.
Turning the Page
You’re allowed to grow. You’re allowed to outgrow. And you’re absolutely allowed to rewrite the story you’ve been living in. One pause, one small change, one leap of faith at a time, and you’ll shift the narrative of your life to a tale worthy of telling.
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