Hello, My Name is Miss Fortune: Nice to Meet You

While searching my closet for some sort of tool (who knows what it was now; my memory is sometimes like that of a goldfish!), I didn’t find this irrelevant thing, but, what I did find was amazing. I found something that was a sign that my blog, my mission, my way of life is not just happenstance: it is my calling.

But, before I tell you what I found, let me explain why it is so important.

For the majority of my time on this planet, I’ve lived scared. I can remember hiding in my closet as a child, worried that someone was going to break into my house and steal me, or that aliens were definitely coming to abduct little Linda and conduct experiments. I also held this great fear of death, which I’m only just now dealing with in my journey of self-discovery and healing.

I could write pages about my “tortured” youth, but I’ll save you the time and get down to the root of it all.

I focused so much on the worst-case scenario for most of my life that I lived in fear of all the possibilities and opportunities waiting for me just beyond that fear.

As I got older, I applied these beliefs to my relationships. I was scared of being honest. I created drama and clung to people I knew were wrong for me, harboring the secret dread of being alone.

And in that fear, Miss Fortune was born.  She was just on the other side of the fence at the time.

So, back to what I found.

Throughout most of my life, I wrote poetry. While searching for the unremembered item, I found a board book I had made, filled with some of my old pieces. I wrote to express my grief: one bad decision, one fear, one loss, one difficult moment at a time.

I was lost in the dark for a long time, using my writing as an emotional outlet.

As I read each page, I saw myself screaming through the words, crying out for help to see the bright side of the world, through all of the pain I had self-inflicted.

Then, at the very end of the book, I saw it.

Staring back at me was my 21-year-old face, hiding behind a mixed drink and doughy eyes. If only I could go back in time and tell her: you’re almost there, just hold on a bit longer.

But she no longer exists.

Miss Fortune is now a glimmer of hope in a world looking for light.

She is now a woman who goes into the unknown, not without fear, but with the knowledge that sometimes giving up control is the best way to move forward.

Miss Fortune is the truth: that you, and all that surrounds you, is created only by the perspective you take.

Miss Fortune is me.  Miss Fortune is you.  Miss Fortune is the decision you make for yourself, to see the world through rose colored glasses, and believe it to be true.

So, I leave you with this question: who is it that you wish to be?